A Wandering Heart

images Indecision is the most heated debate that happens within this little head of mine.

Right or Left God? Which way? Yes or no?

And it’s with this indecision that we get stuck. For 5  l.o.n.g. years I’ve been inquiring of the Lord. If you’ve been a part of our story at all, you’ve watched us and probably listened to these questions burn in our hearts. Thank you to those who have walked this l.o.n.g. road with us. Transition & change are both faithful companions by now. I must admit that the desire to settle has been a strong one. A pull at my heart for security, peace, roots. Who wants to wander the desert for 40 yrs? Certainly not me. Just ‘give me the map and I’ll follow’ I say.

images-1Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the One I love.

So I hold on, but barely. I hang out for one more day, just to see what it is He has to say. I feel forgotten. I believe the lies. And the broken clock ticks on. Stuck I’m barely breathing. My hearts still beats through the pain because I know there’s healing in Jesus’ name. I try my best to be guarded, but I’m an open book. I’m just looking for purpose. – Lifehouse

images-4 I hold on because Jesus is the only lifeline that I know of that works. He leads us beside still waters and restores our soul. I ask Him to bind my wandering heart to him because I’m prone to wander.

The reason he hasn’t let you settle down to grow grain for bread or grapes for wine and strong drink, is so that you would realize that it is the Lord your God who has been caring for you.” Duet. 29:6

For 40 years the Lord led His people through the wilderness and the Bible says their clothes did not wear out nor did their shoes. He’s in the details.

“After the apostle Peter preached on the day of Pentacost, people “were cut to the heart and said…’Brothers, what shall we do?'” (Acts 2:37) The first church responded with immediate action: repentance, baptism, selling possessions, sharing the gospel. We respond with words like amen, convicting sermon, great book… and then are paralyzed as we try to decipher what God wants of our lives.” -Crazy Love, Francis Chan

So for years, I ignored the majors and focused on the minors by asking God for specific, miniscule, minute details. We each get a lamp’s worth of light on our path. Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe, instead of settling down outside of Him, we are supposed to settle down within Him. He’s our resting place and vice versa. He has sent His Holy Spirit to rest within us. We are His resting place. Test this thought against these scriptures:

Benjamin: “God’s beloved; God’s permanent residence. Encircled by God all day long, within whom God is at home.” Duet. 33:12

In John 15 Jesus says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.

And so this intense desire to settle will only be quenched by abiding within Him. It’s not a quest for direction, or answers or a map for the journey. It’s a journey into the very heart of God. Christ in you, the hope of glory.

And so the questions still remain, right or left? The answers are found in the heart of God. His Covenant signs, His charted directions are all throughout scripture. The majors:

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself. Luke

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

How can I expect the Holy God to give me more than a lamp’s worth of light when I have not been faithful in these broad instructions? I repent and turn my face, and take the next logical step. And once we have surrendered our lives to the majors, he will be faithful to instruct us in the minors, the specifics, the miniscule.

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble and teaches them his way. All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.  Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.  He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land. The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. Psalm 25



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